Legends Never Die
Jaz Granderson
Stacy Smith
Stacy Smith
I think about death a lot. Growing up in St. Louis you tend to question your mortality at a young age due to the senseless acts of violence that seem to always take the lives of the innocent. Losing loved ones to gun violence is a rational fear for a lot of people, and an unfortunate reality for many who’ve grown up in St. Louis. At the age of 18, that fear became my reality. One of my best friends, Stacy Smith, was murdered. And though at the time I was oblivious to the impact his death would have on my future, his passing completely changed the trajectory of my life - but we’ll come back to that. Fast forward 10 years later an I lose another one of my close friends, Jaz Granderson. The same pain, grief, disbelief, and heartbreak I felt with Stacy resurfaced. I again found myself questioning my faith, my life’s purpose, and my existence. “Why not me?” A question I found myself asking God. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around two amazing people dying so prematurely. To be honest with you I still can’t. I still don’t understand, and I don’t know if I ever will. However, what I do know, is that the death of Stacy and Jaz completely transformed my view of life and death.
When I was younger I didn’t fully comprehend grief or death. I vividly remember my experiences with death during that time and two things stand out: My lack of emotion and the naive belief that dying was for the elderly. The innocence of being a child consumed me. I had yet to be jaded by life, and believed I was indestructible - which seems idiotic since I’m a Type 1 diabetic and know the consequences that come with poorly maintaining my diabetes. However, that changed nothing. I truly felt as if I had 100 more years to live, like my time on Earth was infinite. But as the years passed I began to lose more and more people. The older I got the younger the deceased seem to become. In a time span extending 10 years I lost so many people that I began to know someone had passed from the tone of voice I heard from people when they called - a talent I sadly still possess. These experiences altered my reality and slowly eroded that childhood innocence I once possessed.
Now at age 30, my perception of death is much different - as you probably can imagine. My belief that I’m invincible has dissipated, being replaced by a fear of dying young. And while the fear of gun violence is still prevalent, it’s not as concerning as it once was. In this stage of my existence, health is the most threatening issue to the quality and longevity of my life. And while I’m still losing friends, family, teammates, acquaintances etc. to senseless violence. I’m losing just as many of those same people to health issues, and it’s scary. I’ve always had to maintain a healthy lifestyle due to my diabetes, and being an athlete always kept me in peak physical conditioning, but that seems to matter little now. I know people who maintained healthy lifestyles that have literally dropped dead from unknown causes, while others have had organs fail, been diagnosed with various diseases and experienced inexplicable changes to their bodies. It’s like you can’t escape it. Physiologically my body is changing in ways I have no control over due to my diabetes, and it’s trinash - yes I meant to spell it that way. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll defeat the disease, or if the disease will defeat me. All I know is that I’ll continue fighting, controlling what I can, and doing what I need to to live a long, healthy life. I’m 28 years in the game as a diabetic an it’s never stopped me from doing anything! I’d say I’ve been kicking diabetes ass thus far, and I hope for continued success going forward. But between gun violence, health concerns and freak accidents I can’t help but feel like I’m fighting death from all angles. The thought of it all is overwhelming, which is why I refocus my energy.
Seeing the early departure of many of my peers forced me to think about how I occupy my time. We all know time is constant. You can’t go back, and you can’t stop it. It’s one of the few irreversible processes in life. Yet, many of us still take it for granted. This is one of the reasons we grieve so hard over the shocking deaths of prolific public figures like Nipsey Hussle and Kobe Bryant. Because it’s a harsh reminder that death escapes no one and time waits for no man. Loss of life is the Universes way of showing us our time is limited, urging us to maximize whats left on our countdown clock of life. For me, Stacy was my wake up call and Jaz was my reminder to change my focus from trying to outrun death to living life!
The passing of Stacy let me know that the Universe doesn’t care about your plans, and life happens on its own time. I thought I had forever to live out dreams, create lasting memories and new experiences with my friends, but that phone call on 10/24/07 changed that for me. I now felt like I owed it to myself and others who aren’t able to be here physically to live every day purposefully. And that’s what I’ve tried to do. I made huge sacrifices to chase childhood dreams that didn’t come to fruition - but I have no regrets. I don’t hesitate to tell those I care about I love them. I take full advantage of opportunities to have new experiences. I try to help any and everyone I can. And a new addition to my list is ‘taking more risks’. I’ve always been pretty responsible which has limited me in certain areas of my life, but I have now made the conscious decision to take those chains off. I want to live life more recklessly! I feel it will make for good experiences, and if not, I’m sure some great stories will come from my stupidity. Either way I’ll be good. I just want to do everything I can to live a life of purpose and no regret. I challenge you all to do the same.
Making my days count was one of the many lessons I learned from the passing of my friends. However, the most important of those lessons was learning the value in a being a good person. I remember being in awe over the number of people present for Stacy’s home-going. Til this day I’ve never seen a funeral procession that long. Jaz also received a huge out-pour of love. It was a testament to the impact they had on countless people, and how great a person they both were. It was also my first glimpse at immortality. Earlier I spoke on how I believed I was invincible when I was younger. The line between fact and fiction gets blurred as a child when you’re watching cartoons and reading comic books. I believed immortality was real, and as I got older to realize it was a fantasy, it was a let down - like when you found out Santa Clause was really yo mamanem. However, as I looked around the home-going service of Stacy, and saw the genuine love people held for him. I knew he’d live forever, because LEGENDS NEVER DIE. And that’s immortality.
Earlier I said the death of Stacy changed the trajectory of my life, and this is how. I stopped fearing death when I realized immortality was attainable. Striving for perpetuity gave me purpose, and that purpose changed my life. Seeing how Stacy was revered made me question how I lived. I wondered if I was living life right, If I was a good person, if I had positively affected half the people he had, and lastly, how would I be remembered? That last question stuck with me. I had no answer. My life was pedestrian at that point. I had received a few academic and athletic achievements, committed a few charitable acts, but none of that would make a blip on the radar of greatness. So, I asked myself another question - “How do I want to be remembered?” A question time proved even harder to answer. I had been defined by sports for so long, that I had to figure out who I was and what I wanted beyond athletics. It literally took years to produce an answer, but I finally figured it out. I now know that I want to be remembered as a man of substance and passion. A man that loved his family and friends beyond measure and always fought for what he believed in. A man that took pride in his culture, and represented it well. A man that never met anyone he couldn’t make smile, and helped any and everyone he could. A man that affected change in his community and changed lives. A man whose impact on people will far outlive his physical existence. And eventually a man that was a great husband and father. I imagine my list will continue to grow as I get older, but for now, this works for me.
My legacy has become the driving force of my life. It impacts every decision I make and gave me purpose. That purpose has led me to working with at-risk youth. Something I never foresaw, and though challenging, it has been very fulfilling work. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be. An I guess I have Stacy to thank for that.
Death is life’s only guarantee, but it doesn’t have to be a dark cloud that looms over your existence. Immortality awaits all of those that choose to pursue it. Just remember to live your life with purpose. Pain was my motivator, my wake-up call, but it doesn’t have to be yours. Everyone’s journey is different. But I ask you:
What are you doing to make your life meaningful?
How will you be remembered?
Please visit JazGranderson.com and support The Jaz Granderson Foundation. The charitable organization continues Jaz’s legacy by seeing through his mission of helping young athletes through his Grand Camp brand and football camps, and helping his community through his annual Toy Drive. All information regarding donations, volunteer opportunities, and contacts can be found on the website.