The Highlight Reel
No, this isn’t a think piece about The Human Highlight Reel that was Barry Sanders, or an analysis of how Derrick Henry destroyed The New England Patriots single-handedly – which 97.6% of the country is very grateful for. Nah, there will be no sports talk - sorry, Folks. Another time, another day. Instead, I want to tackle (pun intended) the highlight reel that is social media.
Last year was very interesting for me. What started as a disaster ended up being one of the most fulfilling years of my life, but in the midst of the chaos, I had to do some serious self-evaluating which led to a journey of self-discovery. During this time I began to evaluate my use of social media and the effect it had on my day to day life, and my Lord, did I come to some realizations. I quickly came to understand the complexity which was my relationship with my social media. Let’s start with the three social networks I frequent the most: Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat – all of which serve a different purpose.
Facebook - this is the only social network that has my real name attached to it so I typically am more professional on there and have filtered my friend’s list to see the perfect amount of ratchetness and righteousness - with more of the latter than the aforementioned. I typically utilize Facebook to speak on real issues and get updated on real topics.
Instagram - I use Instagram to laugh, lurk and lust. I follow a lot of great people, organizations, etc on IG but my algorithm seems to only show me the same 25 accounts and I got tired of resisting so it is what it is. I enjoy the memes, comedy and sports accounts, celebrity posts – both personal and professional, the IG models and stories. If people get paid by likes Kelly Rowland and India Love got rich off me, but that’s not important.
Snapchat - I strictly use Snapchat to people watch. Snapchat is the most authentic of the social networks I utilize. In my experience, it’s the only network where people aren’t calculated. They post pictures, videos, and memes despite the flaws and insecurities they may expose and I appreciate that. I’m sure posts disappearing after 24 hours helps build that comfortability, but who cares? Snapchat is the only social media that I don’t post on, but because of the authenticity, I don’t want to let it go despite having no real use for it.
Understanding my use of each network led me to recognize the control they had over my life. Having unlimited access to people’s lives, entertainment and news occupied hours of my day. I actively decided to take back control of my time by setting a timer on all of my social networks – I recommend everyone do this. I researched the recommended amount of time to spend on social media daily and came up with 30 minutes. I cold turkey set my timers, spending 20 minutes on IG and 10 minutes on Facebook daily. It was at this point that I realized exactly how much time I was spending on social media. I will not get into the specifics, but it was shameful. Lol. It wasn’t until I policed myself that I realized how much time I spent staring at my phone, invested in the lives of people and things that don’t concern me. But this was just the first of many realizations.
I quickly felt more productive, as I was forced to find different ways to occupy my time with me no longer having the luxury of opening up my social networks every 10 minutes. I did all the cliché things like reading and writing, but having more face-to-face, person-to-person interactions with people was the most impactful change I made. It forced me to engage people more, which is not my thing. Calling friends instead of sending a 3-second video on Snapchat, and texting family instead of leaving a comment under a post led to many intimate conversations that would not have transpired without the limits I put on my social media use. Those interactions showed me how much social media lacks the intimacy of person-to-person communication and how much we all suffer because of it. Ladies think about how many times you saw a guy out, he showed interest but said nothing, then later that night you received a DM. Fellas, think about how you’ve been that guy. I know I’ve been guilty of this. It’s because we have gotten used to hiding behind our profiles and have forgotten how to approach people and have face-to-face conversations – also, rejection is taken much better in the DM than in-person in front of your potnanem, but we need to learn how to better handle adversity in real-time as well. I challenge you all to pick up the phone instead of sending that DM and tell me the conversation doesn’t change. But I guess the lack of personal conversations can also be attributed to people sharing their personal business to everybody and they mamanem. And that leads me to my second realization - The importance of privacy.
We have gotten too comfortable putting private moments on public forums. EVERYTHING ISN’T FOR EVERYBODY. We don’t need to see live feeds of funerals, altercations between spouses – both physical and verbal, crying confessions of love, STD results and so on. Some things are meant to be kept between those involved only, but it seems those lines have been blurred. Humans are emotional beings, and having access to umpteen hundred to thousands of followers while feeling anger, happiness or sorrow can be dangerous. We often have lapses of judgment during these times which lead to ill-advised posts. Whether that be a subliminal message or a direct post addressing people and issues that should be resolved privately. Be conscientious of what you post, and think before you press send, but that doesn’t mean lack vulnerability, just use more discretion. I personally believe the absence of vulnerability on social media is an issue. Social media needs more vulnerable posts from users. People sharing more honest moments instead of highlights of a life they’re portraying. Because falsehoods and folklore currently dominate social media.
I’ve seen many posts from people I have personal relationships with that aren’t honest representations of who they are or their character, and that kind of sums up social media for me. It’s a place of reinvention, which isn’t a problem for those who have a firm grip on who they are, but a lot of us are fragile and insecure and are more comfortable creating who we’d like to be opposed to embracing who we are, and that’s problematic. We’re captivated by the flash, the perfection and happiness portrayed by flawed individuals which often leads to us questioning our self-worth. We naturally compare our lives to that of our peers while scrolling through our timelines and we wonder why we haven’t experienced the happiness that they display; or received the love that they show themselves receiving from their spouses; or got the promotion we see them celebrating; or can afford the trips, clothes, cars, etc. that they’re able to enjoy. But we’re looking at these posts in a vacuum. We don’t know what people sacrificed or neglected to get the things they share. And we go into depressions feeling like we’re the only person undeserving of these lives of luxury when in reality the person whose page your lurking is fighting/has fought the same demons. We are too invested in other people’s lives because we have too much access. This causes us to hold on to relationships with people and things that no longer concern us by constantly updating ourselves through their posts. STOP LURKING, BRO! Unfollow those pages and block those people if you don’t have the self-control to stay away. Continuing to look at these fantasy lives stops your healing process and takes your focus away from being the best version of yourself you can be. We all have to realize that there is more fiction than fact on social media. Once we acknowledge that we’ll consume the information received on there much healthier.
In closing I would like to share a post I saw on Facebook from my boy, Darren:
“Social media has made perfection look achievable so now real is undesirable. Expecting perfection from life, relationships, your partner, your career, and from yourself is the enemy of happiness.”
So the next time you log into IG, Facebook and whatever other social networks you frequent, remember to stop the comparisons and run your own race because everyone looks good on a highlight reel.