Roses
As I reflect on 2019, the one word that encapsulates my feelings about the year is GRATEFUL(NESS). Not in the thoughtless, cliché, PC answer type of way, but the “sh*t [was] going bad, but n***a [I’m] good, n***a [I’m] gooder than a motherf***er” (Shout out to Weezy F Baby) type of way. Things got real really fast in 2019. I had serious medical issues, financial woes, got dropped like a bad habit by the woman I had been dating and so much more – all within the first couple of months. I felt like I was in quicksand. The harder I worked to get out of my situations, the lower I sank. It was rough. This is the part where you all bring out the world’s smallest violin and play a sweet melody as the theme music to my pity party. SIKE! This ain’t that. I just wanted to provide a little context to why the rest of my year was so monumental, and why the people who helped me along the way were so important.
As a kid, my mom emphasized acknowledging others' positive contributions to your life while they’re physically present to receive them – “give people their roses while they’re still here”, she would say. It’s something that has always resonated with me, and after the year I had I think it’s important I do just that on this platform. My first roses go to my two favorite women, my mom and my sister. Throughout 2019 they carried me in unimaginable ways. There was a time last year where I was hurt, hopeless, helpless, shit all the H’s LOL - and my mother and sister where both there to provide the love, hope, reassurance, and resources I needed to persevere. I was often apologetic for feeling as if I was burdening them with my problems and just as often they were dismissive of those beliefs. Through their actions, I learned what real support was, while also learning the power it carries. If it wasn’t for my two SHEroes I would’ve drowned in my self-pity last year. I’m forever grateful for their heroics.
My second set of roses goes to my friends. You assholes came through LOL. I rarely ever share my hardships with anyone because I’d rather suffer in silence than receive pity, but in a time where the weight was too heavy to carry alone, you all helped shoulder the load. You all did everything but judge me in my most vulnerable state - allowing me to vent, getting me out the crib, pulling up on me, calling me to talk sh*t, and provided help without prompting (because you all know I’d never ask LOL). At this point in our lives we’re all getting pulled in so many different directions, taking care of families, businesses, etc. It felt good to know that when a member of the pack is wounded we all still come together to ensure that our own is ok. Having real friends is so dope, Man! Thank you Ladies and Gents, y’all are the real MVPs! (Kevin Durant voice) LOL.
As you can see by now I wanted to do something a little different because our typical end of the year recaps are just subtle ways for us to flex about the numerous achievements and experiences we’ve had throughout the year, and if you thought that I wasn’t as shallow as the rest of you, you were wrong my friend LOL. Now to the flexing we go.
As I mentioned earlier, this year was monumental. I had so many new experiences, created so many new memories, met so many new people and much more, but below I’ve listed my personal top 10 highlights of 2019:
1. I traveled out of the country for the first time. S/O to Italy!
2. I bought a house!
3.. I turned 30… and actually celebrated!
4. I discovered yoga
5. I went to Trinidad with the squad
6. I became a Godfather…. Again
7. I jumped out a plane!
8. I found a new therapist.
9. I bought a Gratitude Journal and write in it daily
10. I got comfortable being uncomfortable
2019 was a great year! And it is to it I give my last rose. The pain, loss, struggle, depression, love, laughter, experiences, smiles, celebrations and triumphs I experienced this past year taught me a lot about myself. Without every single one of those emotions and experiences, I wouldn’t have achieved the personal growth in which I did. The level of discomfort I endured at the beginning of this year makes or breaks a person, and thanks to my mental toughness and support system the latter didn’t occur. I had so many breakthroughs this past year. I did things I never imagined and ended up having THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. So, thank you 2019 for kicking my ass. I’m so grateful for it all.